I’m turning 30 today and it’s scary. I’m not afraid of looking or even feeling my age, my fear is being my age, not sure if that make sense but let me try and explain: We all have goals that we’d like to reach by a certain age, things we’d like to do and places we’d like to see. I’ve never set any goals for myself; I’m a “go-with-the-flow” kinda person and seriously didn’t think I’d live to reach 30. I never had plans to start a family, never knew which career path I’d follow or what dreams I’d like to have realized. Now that I’m 30 and alive, I’m stuck because I have to start figuring these things out. It’s cute to be indecisive in your 20’s, in your 30’s it become a nightmare as certain choices will determine the course you life will take and that’s scary. I’ll give myself 2 years to figure it out and I’ll ensure that when I do a similar post in a few years and reference this one, I’d have made it at whatever I’ve put my mind to. Now for my list; I’m an open book most of the time and some of these things you might already know but bear with me or skip to the next one.
- I’m an over-thinker
Try as I may, I can’t switch off. I’m slightly OCD as well so that’s not really helpful.
- I’m an insomniac
This one is definitely linked to being an over-thinker! I can’t remember the last time I’ve hit the hay and fell asleep immediately and I really envy people who can do so.
- I love to sleep
My weekends usually consists of struggling to sleep until o4hoo am and sleeping until 16h00 pm the next day. I never get enough sleep in during the week and unless something really important is happening on a weekend I’m not going anywhere.
- I’m an impulsive shopper
Shopping malls are my favourite place on earth and if I had an unlimited supply of money, I’d be the happiest girl on earth. I tend to buy things I don’t need or even want just for the sake of having it.
- I want to be rich
Most of us won’t ever admit to it but since this is an honest look at me, I’ll cop to it. To a certain extent I want it to feed my shopping addiction but I would really use that money to make a difference in the world starting with friends and family. It would also be helpful since I would love to either travel the world or be a hermit.
- I have no need for human contact
I’ve mentioned this in another piece I wrote earlier as well. I love being on my own, I interact with fellow human beings at work and social setups only because I have to. It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s just the problems and issues that come along with interacting with and letting people into your life are draining. My friendships with other human beings survive and thrive because we barely see each other but when I need you, or vice versa, I know you got my back.
- I’m in a relationship
I know it’s shocking considering my previous point but somehow it works. Obviously it’s not without the usual ups and down but we always seem to overcome it. I’ve got “daddy issues” and for a long time relationships served as a means to even the playing field with men. To walk away from someone who truly love them without blinking and to hurt them without any regard for their feelings. I’ve hurt a lot of people by doing so and I sincerely apologise.
- I have social anxiety all the time
I’ve worked in the same place for quite some time but I still have to coax myself out of bed every single morning. It’s something that a lot of people fail to understand and I don’t really blame them. A lot of what I do is in the media industry which involves events, networking etc. and it helped me to get out of my shell a bit.
- I’m an introvert
Depending on when you’ve met me, you’d never guess I’m an introvert. Working in media required me to be more outgoing and involved interaction with human beings, which I couldn’t do for quite some time. I invented or explored a side of me that was more spontaneous, easy-going and talkative and that’s the side that I bring to events and basically anything that involves human interaction.
- I suffer from sleep paralysis
It’s one of those really scary experiences and if you don’t know what it is, it can leave you scarred for life. I’ve done a post about it here and detailed my experiences.
- I don’t get jealous in a relationship
I think most guys would think that you don’t really love them or are just using them if you don’t get jealous of other women trying to get with him. I feel that if you’re with me, I should be secure in knowing that, regardless of whether other women want you or not, you’d still want to be with me. I don’t feel the need to compete with others for your affection. At the end of the day, it’s your choice whether you want to stay or leave.
- I need constant validation
That might be weird considering what I said in 11 but I do need constant validation. Subconsciously, all men in my life would have to make up for fact that the one man that was supposed to love me literally turned his back on me. I can handle rejection but not from people who claim to love me, that’s the worst.
- I’m not confident, at all
I’ve always been very insecure stemming from people constantly criticizing my weight and looks when I was younger.
- I’m not a nice person
I know if someone says they’re nice, they’re usually not. I have a nice persona but I don’t think I’m a nice person overall.To be honest, I’ve stopped caring and it’s all thanks to human beings.
- I would love to travel
My ideal lifestyle/job would be where I could travel the world, stay somewhere for 3 months max and move on, without a care in the world. That’s why #5 is important as I’d need funds to do so and I get restless and don’t get attached easily so it would be ideal
Part 2 will be up soon