How to recognise a scam when using Luno

This post is a tad different than my usual ones but I do feel that it would be helpful to a lot of people. For those of you who have never heard of or interacted with Luno, allow me to provide you with some information on who they are and what they do. 

According to their website, “Luno is the simple crypto investment app for everyone. We make it safe and easy to explore, buy, and store crypto – no experience needed. Our mission is to put the power of cryptocurrency in everyone’s hands.” 

Taking it a bit further back, in case you’re a tad lost, cryptocurrency, according to Wikipedia, is, “a digital currency designed to work as a medium of exchange through a computer network that is not reliant on any central authority, such as a government or bank, to uphold or maintain it. It is a decentralized system for verifying that the parties to a transaction have the money they claim to have, eliminating the need for traditional intermediaries, such as banks, when funds are being transferred between two entities.” In my understanding, it’s a different form of currency that doesn’t abide by the same laws as the usual currencies that we use in our everyday lives. Numerous articles on the web would explain it in more detail but that’s not what this post is about. 

I was scrolling through Twitter recently and Luno’s Twitter page came up on my feed. I’ve used Luno since 2018 so I think I’m fairly familiar with what they do. A few of the responses to a tweet from the company asked if they have someone named Simon* working for them who promised them profits after they have paid ZAR 8000+. A few others replied that it was definitely a scam and I realised that some people don’t quite know when they’re interacting with Luno or not. I’ve seen a few “Luno” pages and groups on Facebook offering to help others make insane profits from a small amount of money and I have to admit, it looks appealing. Who wouldn’t want to make ZAR 50,000 by only investing ZAR 2000? 

This is where the saying, “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is”, fits quite well. I know that we’re struggling but how will it help you and your loved ones if you lose the existing funds you have to someone that won’t even spare you a second thought? 

On the Luno website, there are a lot of helpful articles that will protect you from losing your hard-earned money but I know a lot of us don’t have the data or patience to be scrolling through a website. I’ll provide you with the short version and I sincerely hope that it will help to prevent you from being scammed. A lot of people are under the impression that Luno is scamming them as they often send funds to these scammers via the platform. This is usually after the scammer assisted them with creating a Luno account, creating the impression that they’re working with the company.

The most popular scams out there are the social media ones, by far. It’s easier to reach their potential victims and they can create a “credible” profile using pictures of innocent people who have no idea that their faces are associated with a scam. What you need to remember is that digital currency transactions are irreversible hence it’s better for scammers as they basically leave no trace. A temporary sim card can be used to reach out via WhatsApp, fake profiles are created on social media and this makes it impossible to track them down. You can’t call Luno’s customer support service, I’ve scoured their website and realised that they don’t have an inbound phone line, therefore, they won’t reach out to you on WhatsApp, ever! 

I recently got contacted via WhatsApp by someone claiming to be from Luno with a +234 mobile number. It was suspicious as I knew that Luno doesn’t have a WhatsApp line but I baited them to see how far they would go. They sent me screenshots of massive amounts of money that “other people” have made by using their services, don’t fall for it!. It’s easy to create a fake website to look believable and they’ll even send you a link to it, as this one did. On these websites, you’ll see your name with a huge amount of money, usually in USD, that they claim is yours, if you send them a small fee.

Don’t fall for it because, once again, if it’s too good to be true, it’s probably a lie. If you are uncertain of whether certain communications – either via SMS, email, or a pop-up ad – are from Luno, you can follow this link and it will give you the option to report the communication to them. Be sure not to click on any links, and or enter your Luno login details unless the web address shows luno.com.

The social media platforms that these imposters would reach out to you on are WhatsApp, Facebook, (they have a few groups using Luno’s name and there would always be a helpful “representative” willing to show you the ropes), Telegram (basically the same MO as Facebook), Twitter and Instagram (they will reach out via direct message or basically spam your comments with “success stories”) and Linkedin (where they will impersonate reputable companies and offer you a job opportunity but ask you to send some sort of payment in the form of cryptocurrency). To stay safe on social media, please read this very informative article as it would help you to recognise the signs of a scam and you can also find a list of Luno’s official social media handles. Another important thing to remember is that Luno only charges very low fees for withdrawals and there are no other costs involved with taking your funds out of your account. You can view the fees for South Africa here or swipe until you find your preferred country. For other fees charged, which would be a clear indication that it’s not Luno, please read through this article.

Another popular scam is the romance one. We’re all looking for our happy-ever-after and unfortunately, these scammers are well aware of it. They go as far as targeting you on dating sites where they would spend quite some time getting to know you. They would either tell you that they’re a crypto trader and convince you to send your coins to them because of “your love” for each other. I, for one, know that we do some questionable things when we’re in love or when we think we are. Sometimes they would spin a sad story that would make you feel obligated to help them and the only way that you can send them funds is, you guessed it, in the form of cryptocurrency. Please don’t accept help from “kind strangers” offering to help you trade or make money. If you are uncertain of how things work on the Luno app, reach out for assistance either via email or their instant Chat platform. The latter you can access from the bottom of any of the Help center articles;, it would look like a message icon and allows you to reach out to someone on their team in real-time. 

Luno mentions account security a lot and one of the best ways to secure your account is to enable 2FA. Per this article, “Two-factor authentication (2FA) adds an additional layer of security protection to your Luno account. It takes away the worry and replaces it with the comfort of knowing your account is as safe as it can possibly be – and that only you can sign in.” You shouldn’t share this code with anyone, even if they claim to be working for Luno, as it would allow them access to your account. If they claim that you need to authorise something, please note that these are the only actions that require authorisation, as per this article: 

● Enabling the option to send cryptocurrency from your Luno wallet

● The first cryptocurrency send from a new device 

● Sends above $10,000 

● Changing your mobile number 

● Adding an email address 

● Creating an API key 

● Trusting a device to receive authorisations via push notification 

If you think that your account has been compromised, please read through this article as it will assist you with what to do next. 

If you forgot or disregard everything I’ve said thus far, please pay attention to this really helpful scam test that you can find on their website here.

Quick scam test: 

● Someone contacted me on social media and is offering me big returns in a short time frame by trading forex, binary options, or currencies. 

● My trader/broker is asking me to pay for a “cost of transfer”, taxes, or any other fee to access my “profits”. 

● I’m encouraged to recruit more people into an investment programme, as I’ll earn an income from their investment. This is a pyramid scheme, which requires you to find new participants to generate investment returns. 

● I met the love of my life online, and they’ve asked me to send them money or cryptocurrency. 

● A famous person is giving away cryptocurrencies if I send them a small amount first. 

If any of this sounds familiar, you are possibly being scammed. Your money is at risk and they recommend you do not continue sending money. 

Disclaimer:

I’m no expert and the information mentioned in this post was obtained from Luno’s website. I would recommend having a look at their Help Centre as it has a search option that allows you to look for specific things by typing in the keywords. 

In the meantime, stay safe out there and look after each other.

I’m a horrible human being…

And i’m not faring that well as a daughter either…

 

We all want to hear that we’re good people, that people like us etc. but what if people start dropping the truth? Tell you how they really see you? Would you be able to handle it? Personally, I feel that if you’re honest to yourself about your shortcomings you’d be able to handle shots fired from other people, even random ones.

Last week I went through some hectic stuff that saw me falling deeper into depression. It was an endless spiral and revelled in it as darkness always feel like home to me. When I go through episodes like these, nothing and no one else matters. I mean, its a struggle to keep my head above the water AND still try to consider others’ feelings. It sound selfish but that’s how I cope with things.

On Wednesday I received a call from my mom, a very teary one to tell me that she fell and hurt her hand/arm. Me, being in this pit of darkness held on long enough to ask if I should come home and check it out. Bear in mind, home is 8 minutes away so no train smash but I was reluctant. My reluctance stems from the fact that my first thought was, “I told her to stop walking the dog.” Yes people, that was my first thought and I’m ashamed to say it out loud. My mom and I had several conversation about walking my dog as Summer is getting stronger, daily and I can’t even walk her anymore. My mom is a 68-year-old lady that weighs 55 kg, poor eyesight and not the best of balance any more. She fell, while walking Summer and she was in pain, a lot of pain.

I arrived home and felt so bad for my thoughts because her hand was swollen and looked so painful. I couldn’t assess whether anything was broken (because I’m an expert, right?) so we applied cold compresses and prayed for the best. Had to leave again but when I got home in the evening she claimed that the pain wasn’t as bad anymore. Here’s the thing; I’ve realised that parents often omit things because they don’t want you to stress. She knows work and life overall is a rollercoaster for me so she decided to hide the fact that she’s in pain. People, don’t do that please! I left it at that, applied compresses again, gave a painkillers and went to sleep. I’m still in my dark spiral over here everything seems hopeless, I’m in my head the entire time and can’t even sleep.

Thursday morning she still claims to be okay. The swelling went down significantly and I constructed a sling as illustrated by my first aid kit (I feel so grown up saying that). After work, a different part of her arm is swollen and it looked kinda iffy so I inform her that we’d be going to the hospital the next morning. Friday morning, two days later, the emergency department at the hospital confirms that her wrist is broken. She’s being asked how she lived with the pain for so long, with accusatory glances at me (I deserved every single one of it). After being there for about 7 hours we’re ready to leave and she got a cast from below her elbow to her hand.

I feel like the worst daughter, ever. Scrap that, the worst human being ever! I should’ve known that she’s in pain, that a fall like that would be near fatal for someone her age. Shoulda, woulda, coulda…I didn’t because I was so focussed on my own pain and keeping myself from self-destruction that I didn’t care and I’m sorry. I’ve apologised to her and I’m doing everything I can to try to make life easier for her. She can’t brush her teeth, get dressed alone, open canisters or containers etc. so I do it for her, trying to make up for my ignorance. The cast will be removed in about a month and I pray that her wrist would be healed. If not, it’s operation time and she’s definitely not looking forward to that.

 

 

#MeToo

Disclaimer: This is a piece I wrote for my magazine in November 2017 when the #MeToo scandal broke. I never shared it on my blog but realised that a lot of you don’t necessarily follow or read my magazine, so here goes.

The tweet that started it all.

If you’ve been on social media for the past 2 weeks or so, you would’ve noticed the trending #MeToo. Actress Alyssa Milano, best known for her role as Phoebe in Charmed, started this with the above tweet and thousands of brave women came forward with their stories.

This followed the news of the sexual harassment allegations against Harvey Weinstein, a famous film producer and former film studio executive. I can honestly say that I’m not surprised. I mean there are 1000’s of Harvey Weinsteins out there, preying on the insecurities of women, on their absolute hunger to succeed and making it in their chosen industries. Amongst the over 40 women that came forward are famous names like Italian actor Asia Argento, who alleged he raped her and then she had a one-sided consensual relationship with him because she was afraid he will ruin her career, British actor Lysette Anthony, Lucia Evans, then Stoller, to name a few. We’ve also seen famous actresses like Angelina Jolie coming forward about rejecting his advances and chose never to work with him and warned others not to and Gwyneth Paltrow who rejected his advances but was forced to keep it a secret because she was afraid he will fire her.

All these have 2 things in common: A young woman, naive, eager to make it in Hollywood and the one man who can help her achieve it. The one man who knows he had the power to do whatever he pleases and no one will report him because their careers will be over. A lot of people made comments like, “there’s other careers” and “if it was me, I would’ve reported him”. Allow me to be honest with you:

We all think that if we were in that situation, we would have acted differently but how do you know that for sure? How do you know you wouldn’t be petrified, paralyzed by fear because you might have people depending on you and you can’t afford to lose your job? That’s an all familiar story of a lot of women out there who would do anything to provide for their family and the fear of letting them down, disappointing them, is unimaginable.

Why do we continue saying these women should’ve left? Why are we not saying these men shouldn’t have done it in the first place? Why do we not educate our men, our sons, our brothers on how they should treat women? Yes, they exposed him years after the incidents occurred but have you asked yourself why? I have and I don’t really have an answer but I do have a theory: There’s strength in numbers. At the time when it happened, all or most of these women were very young and haven’t found their voice yet. If they had come forward, it probably would’ve been one or two and would the world have believed them? NO, a resounding NO! No one would’ve taken their word over someone as powerful as Weinstein. Right now, they’re older, wiser and allowed their work and reputation to speak for them and now we believe them. We also believe because there’s so many of them that there have to be truth to it.

I believe them because I’m a woman. I believe them because this is what we as women are subjected to every single day. Guess where it all started? Remember that young boy that pulled your hair and lifted up your skirt to see your underwear in preschool? Remember when you told your mom and she said that’s how boys show you that they like you? That’s where it starts, that’s where we start accepting it as being normal. That’s where boys started thinking that their behavior is okay because no one called them out on it. I remember going through this in primary school and everyone laughed because I felt uncomfortable with boys behaving that way around me, and no one else seemed to mind. I had boys as friends and they didn’t do things like that to me because I communicated to them how I felt about it but they did it with other girls. Why, you might ask? It was normal, if you don’t like it, fine but someone else will. It doesn’t make it wrong if someone is okay with it, right?
For most men it’s too late to change, it’s unfortunate but true. Have you ever tried to convince an older person that something they’re doing or believe in is wrong? Something they’ve done or believed that spans a lifetime, older than you are? Not easy, is it? We shouldn’t stop spreading awareness because of that, who knows, people do change, let’s hope it’s for the better. What we can do though is to teach our sons, educate our brothers on what sexual harassment is. Make them see that what might be normal to them, constitute to a lifetime of pain and anger for someone else. The tweet has generated 64k comments, 23k retweets and have 49k people liking it but is that enough? It sparked a much- needed and well- overdue conversation but it would be useless if it doesn’t bring about a change in behavior. How did you feel when your mother, sister, aunt, girlfriend tweeted #MeToo? Remember that feeling next time you harass someone as they’re also someone else’s mother, sister, aunt or girlfriend.

*Featured artwork by Thaakirah Isaacs Jacobs

Musings: Being a woman

My name is Melanie but often I can’t pronounce it so let’s stick to Miss Pretorius.

 

It’s no state secret that I stutter and that it gets worse when I’m nervous…and I’m nervous a lot. It’s funny that I would choose a career in the media that involves interacting with strangers and often requires interviews, the things that triggers my nervousness and therefore intensifies my stuttering. I didn’t choose it, it chose me and I’m happy. It taught me to get out of my shell, overcome my social anxieties and live my best life, be the best me I can possible be.

I’m often told I’m weird and I don’t get offended by that statement. If being my authentic self constitutes to weird, well then I’m the weirdest person around. I’m awkward, socially and otherwise and relate to animals better than to humans. I take eons to open up but when I do it’s because I trust, irrevocably. I love the colour black and feel it has a lot to do with the Greek meaning of my name, which is literally “darkness”. I’m drawn to it, like a moth to a flame; it’s my security blanket, my safe haven.

I’m often in battle with myself over insecurity issues that stems from my youth. You’d think by now I’d have a fail-safe way to overcome it but alas some of it still haunts me. I’ve been teased endlessly about my tiny frame and I’ve come to accept it with time but on some days, when you already feel low and a random stranger makes a remark, you’re sucked into that cycle of self-doubt again. I’ve learned that my strength comes from accepting my weakness and apparently caring about others’ opinions about me is one of them. I don’t lash back, oh no, I won’t stoop to their level and the art of meditation has helped me through many such battles.

Being a woman means being strong. Dealing with constant scrutiny, stereotypes and being judged by different standards than men, well it requires a lot of strength. I’ve written several posts about sexual harassment, slut shaming and now pink tax that we as women constantly have to deal with, often on a daily basis. Frankly, I don’t feel that it will ever stop so we need to arm ourselves with the necessary tools to withstand the temptation to get embroiled in fights by our male counterparts. How do we do that? Ignore them; nothing makes people angrier than you not acknowledging their existence. Show them that you’re a better human being than they could wish to be. We have one thing that they’ll never possess, that try as they may they can’t take it away; we give life! We are your first love as we are your mother, sister, aunt and grandmother.

The strength that comes from being a woman is unlike anything you’d ever be able to acquire artificially. We love hard, even though we know pain is inevitable. We forgive often, even though the cracks will always be visible in our fragile hearts. And yes, our hearts are fragile but it’s strong, stronger than a diamond. When we give our hearts, it’s a treasure rarer than said diamond as it would be unlike anything you’ll ever possess.

Once again, my name is Melanie. I’m a lifestyle blogger and an editor at Rhose in Bloom. On social media, if that’s your thing, I’m @Miss_Pretorius, so let’s start talking. I’m always open to hear new opinions, random thoughts and late night musings, let’s be weird together.

*Dress by Lee Kotze 

Posted on: https://thenocturnalwenchy.com/2018/08/05/guest-post-being-a-woman/

New year, new what?

As an introvert with crippling social anxiety, it’s not easy for me to meet new people or remain friends with them. Most of these people are ships in the night, passing by. Quite often I have a surprisingly good time with them but I also know it won’t ever be replicated so there’s generally no follow-up meeting. It might seem weird but hear me out: When I meet you the first time you’re bound to either like me or not, no in-between. I will be myself, totally authentic with the (more than) occasional swear words, perverted comments, wisecracks and dark humour but that might not happen again. You might have caught me on a good day and discovered one facet of my personality but that’s not all I am. I have days where I’m generally honest (mean) offensive and a real pain in your rear and other days where I want to be left alone (almost every day), when depression hits me and I can’t even manage a witty comeback. There are days that I’ll act like a spoilt brat, needy and pick fights over stupid things and days where I’ll smother you with affection.

Depending on which day you met me on, I won’t see you again. If you’ve met me when I had an anxiety attack, at my weakest and most vulnerable, I won’t see you again. If you’ve met me when I was mean and hurtful, I won’t see you again. If you’ve met me when I was my authentic self, I won’t see you again. You won’t ever meet me when I’m all these things in one day so I won’t ever see you again.

I’ve met a lot of interesting people recently, over the course of December and the first half of January. The interesting thing is that most of the ones I got along with, were men. Women, one or two and the rest just decided instantly that I won’t be a part of the clique, the inner circle. Why do we as females do that though? We have these preconceived ideas about another woman without knowing her. We decide she’s here to steal our men, if she looks a certain way, with no proof whatsoever. I’ve never felt as unwelcome and uncomfortable as I did in a predominantly female “company”. It took me to my lowest low and I started looking for flaws within myself, which was absolutely terrible. I don’t ever want to feel that way again, I don’t ever want to be judged based on how I look within the first few seconds without you even knowing me. I have a best friend for 13+ years and we see each other once or twice a year for about 2 hours and she’s the closest thing I have to a sister. It’s also the longest friendship I’ve ever had with a female. Other friendships fizzled shortly after a man got into the equation, that was usually the common denominator or when rumours were being spread. In 2017 I’ve lost 3 “friends” that were very dear to my heart because of the aforementioned reasons, “friends” I would’ve and did everything for, friendships I put my heart and soul into, for what?

As you can tell by now there’s no common thread to this post, I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I just needed a place to rant for a bit, to let out my frustrations and writing has always allowed me to do that. If I didn’t do this, I would’ve been stuck in this bottomless pit of self-doubt and depression with a looming panic attack. I’ve decided that acceptance is key, self-love is imperative and self-doubt won’t get me anywhere. I’ll own who I am, weirdness and all  because normal isn’t something to aspire to, its something to get away from.

“She’s a paradox,faithful yet detached. Committed,yet relaxed. She loves everyone yet no one at the same time. She is sociable but also a loner,gentle yet tough,passionate but also platonic. In short she’s predictable in her unpredictability.”

“Introverts/empaths have a high level of brain activity, so not only are they still stimulated in solitude, but become overstimulated easily. They are constantly interpreting and channeling information from other planes of existence, this is why they are prone to creativity. Their creative outlet actually allows them to accurately churn all of the energy that they are channeling into a positive source, opposed to over thinking.”

Part 2

Welcome back to Part 2, glad to see you stuck around. Here’s the rest of my list of things you might not know about me.

16.     I grew up on a farm

No, it wasn’t a we-owned-the-farm-situation, it was a my-family-worked-for-die-boer-to –have-a-house situation. I’ve had a lot of amazing times there and I won’t change my childhood for anything as it shaped me and made me who I am. I’ve refused to call any person “baas” though as I never felt I could respect someone calling my 80 year old granny by her name when she was decades older than them. I don’t have an issue with authority but that not what that set-up was at all.

17.  I avoid confrontation

There’s nothing I fear more than confrontation as human beings are an unpredictable species. I’d take verbal abuse, sms’, phone calls etc. from people and not respond back as 1. I won’t know what to say and 2. I don’t want to get my ass kicked. A lot of people tend to take advantage of that but I know I’ll reach a point someday where I’d have enough and stand up for myself despite the consequences…that day is not today though.

18. I stutter

A lot of people don’t know this, even those that have known me for years but yes, I stutter. It added to me being an over thinker and an avid reader as I had to know alternative words to the ones that I knew I’d struggle with to pronounce. I also don’t get angry because I struggle to get words out and then I’d end up crying, out of sheer frustration.

19. I hate attention

I hate being the centre of attention or being put on the spot. When I get nervous, my stutter gets worse and I always get nervous when in the spotlight.

20. I blue tick people…a lot!

This is a Whatsapp term that basically refers to the fact that you’ve read someone’s message, acknowledge it but you choose not to respond. I do that, mostly to guys as I’m not sure how to respond to their advances. When I’m being nice I tend to lead people on so the complete (extreme) opposite was absolutely necessary.

21. I do get hurt,constantly

I never tell people when they hurt me and that’s something I need to work on. I often hide it until one day I explode and everything comes out, even stuff you did or said to me 5 years ago. I do forgive easily though and try not to hold a grudge (operative word being “try”, easier said than done).

22.  I hate flowers

Whatever you do, don’t ever give me flowers. I just don’t get it. It’s pretty and all and it may mean something to you but I know they’re going to die. That means that whatever it meant will die as well. Put it on my grave, I’m fine with that.

23.  I constantly have to defend my name

I’ve had many cases where I spoke to someone on the phone, gave them my name and surname and they would immediately switch to Afrikaans, which I obviously have no issue with. My issue is with the fact that people automatically assume I’m white and when they eventually meet me, they have this shocked expression on their face with the usual condescending smile that you give in an awkward situation. I had people asking me why I have a white Afrikaans name and surname countless times and I have no explanation for it. I’m not going to delve into my lineage to establish why because I honestly don’t care, this is the name I was given and that’s it, finish and klaar.

24.  I’m never completely honest…about anything

I do that avoid hurting people’s feelings and it’s wrong on so many levels. I’ll try to rectify that in future though as it goes against everything I value in other people.

25.  I’m a hoarder

I love shopping but the fact that I’m always in black means that I hardly wear any other colour so I have a lot of items with the tags still on them. I’m working on that, trying to incorporate other colours in my wardrobe etc. but it’s not an easy task.

26.  I can’t sing or dance to save my life

Actually scrap singing; I can’t even hold a note to save my life. I can move, to a certain extent but I can’t dance to save my life either.

27. I hate waiting

That’s one of my pet peeves. I can’t stand waiting for someone if they specifically said a certain time and aren’t there at said time, it irritates me endlessly.

28. I don’t open up easily

If I do, it means I like and trust you. I do get really awkward with emotions as I don’t know how to console people.

29  I have a dark sense of humour

It usually shocks people as apparently I look like this innocent, mild human being. I don’t reveal it to a lot of people though as a lot of things I do find funny would be offensive to others.

30 I’m actually quite funny

I really do think I’m funny. That’s it.

 

30 Things you may not know about me (Part 1)

I’m turning 30 today and it’s scary. I’m not afraid of looking or even feeling my age, my fear is being my age, not sure if that make sense but let me try and explain: We all have goals that we’d like to reach by a certain age, things we’d like to do and places we’d like to see. I’ve never set any goals for myself; I’m a “go-with-the-flow” kinda person and seriously didn’t think  I’d live to reach 30. I never had plans to start a family, never knew which career path I’d follow or what dreams I’d like to have realized. Now that I’m 30 and alive, I’m stuck because I have to start figuring these things out. It’s cute to be indecisive in your 20’s, in your 30’s it become a nightmare as certain choices will determine the course you life will take and that’s scary. I’ll give myself 2 years to figure it out and I’ll ensure that when I do a similar post in a few years and reference this one, I’d have made it at whatever I’ve put my mind to. Now for my list; I’m an open book most of the time and some of these things you might already know but bear with me or skip to the next one.

1. I’m an over-thinker

Try as I may, I can’t switch off. I’m slightly OCD as well so that’s not really helpful.

2. I’m an insomniac

This one is definitely linked to being an over-thinker! I can’t remember the last time I’ve hit the hay and fell asleep immediately and I really envy people who can do so.

3. I love to sleep

My weekends usually consists of struggling to sleep until o4hoo am and sleeping until 16h00 pm the next day. I never get enough sleep in during the week and unless something really important is happening on a weekend I’m not going anywhere.

4. I’m an impulsive shopper

Shopping malls are my favourite place on earth and if I had an unlimited supply of money, I’d be the happiest girl on earth. I tend to buy things I don’t need or even want just for the sake of having it.

5. I want to be rich

Most of us won’t ever admit to it but since this is an honest look at me, I’ll cop to it. To a certain extent I want it to feed my shopping addiction but I would really use that money to make a difference in the world starting with friends and family. It would also be helpful since I would love to either travel  the world or be a hermit.

6. I have no need for human contact

I’ve mentioned this in another piece I wrote earlier as well. I love being on my own, I interact with fellow human beings at work and social setups only because I have to. It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s just the problems and issues that come along with interacting with and letting people into your life are draining. My friendships with other human beings survive and thrive because we barely see each other but when I need you, or vice versa, I know you got my back.

7. I’m in a relationship

I know it’s shocking considering my previous point but somehow it works. Obviously it’s not without the usual ups and down but we always seem to overcome it. I’ve got “daddy issues” and for a long time relationships served as a means to even the playing field with men. To walk away from someone who truly love them without blinking and to hurt them without any regard for their feelings. I’ve hurt a lot of people by doing so and I sincerely apologise.

8. I have social anxiety all the time

I’ve worked in the same place for quite some time but I still have to coax myself out of bed every single morning. It’s something that a lot of people fail to understand and I don’t really blame them. A lot of what I do is in the media industry which involves events, networking etc. and it helped me to get out of my shell a bit.

9. I’m an introvert

Depending on when you’ve met me, you’d never guess I’m an introvert. Working in media required me to be more outgoing and involved interaction with human beings, which I couldn’t do for quite some time. I invented or explored a side of me that was more spontaneous, easy-going and talkative and that’s the side that I bring to events and basically anything that involves human interaction.

10. I suffer from sleep paralysis

It’s one of those really scary experiences and if you don’t know what it is, it can leave you scarred for life. I’ve done a post about it here and detailed my experiences.

11. I don’t get jealous in a relationship

I think most guys would think that you don’t really love them or are just using them if you don’t get jealous of other women trying to get with him. I feel that if you’re with me, I should be secure in knowing that, regardless of whether other women want you or not, you’d still want to be with me. I don’t feel the need to compete with others for your affection. At the end of the day, it’s your choice whether you want to stay or leave.

12. I need constant validation

That might be weird considering what I said in 11 but I do need constant validation.  Subconsciously, all men in my life would have to make up for fact that the one man that was supposed to love me literally turned his back on me. I can handle rejection but not from people who claim to love me, that’s the worst.

13. I’m not confident, at all

I’ve always been very insecure stemming from people constantly criticizing my weight and looks when I was younger.

14. I’m not a nice person

I know if someone says they’re nice, they’re usually not. I have a nice persona but I don’t think I’m a nice person overall.To be honest, I’ve stopped caring and it’s all thanks to human beings.

15. I would love to travel

My ideal lifestyle/job would be where I could travel the world, stay somewhere for 3 months max and move on, without a care in the world. That’s why #5 is important as I’d need funds to do so and I get restless and don’t get attached easily so it would be ideal

Part 2 will be up soon

Let’s Talk…

There’s so many topics that are considered taboo to talk about openly, things that you only discuss with your closest friends or family because you’re afraid you might offend someone or the fear of being labelled ignorant. I’m one of those people who shoots my mouth off about everything to anyone and it often lands me in trouble. That being said, I do that because I’d like to hear others’ opinions about certain topics as I like to see life from a different perspective. I’ve had an interesting conversation with someone recently, a Facebook friend and I realised that things I experience on a daily basis and accept as normal in my life, were not as normal as I thought it was.

Let’s start off with my absolute inability to have a need for human contact, and I’m not referring to haphephobia. I love being on my own, I interact with fellow human beings at work and social setups but if I could choose, I’d be a hermit, a recluse. It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s just the problems and issues that comes along with interacting with and letting people into your life are draining. My friendship with other human beings survives and thrive because we barely see each other but when I need you, or vice versa, I know you got my back. I often allow people in, only to be met by all the issues I’ve tried to avoid. I’m not rude, most people perceive me as friendly and would randomly walk up to me to have a conversation. I don’t have issues with that but often the conversation become monotonous, which is partly my fault as I tend to zone out a lot, and I’d be too polite to stop it so it goes on and on and on and I’d need an entire weekend in my own company to regroup afterwards.

I’m a overthinker and I’m seriously considering meditation, hypnosis, well anything that can assist in combatting that. I’m unable to relax, that’s a foreign feeling to me. I often visit the spa to “try” to relax, to no avail. Something as relaxing as a bubble bath with candle lights sends my mind into overdrive. I’d sit in there, thinking about relaxing but not actually relaxing. I also suffer from social anxiety disorder where I tend to envision social scenarios in advance, like I’d get invited to an event and I’d be thinking about how it will go down, what I’d be wearing, how I’d interact with people, what I’d be saying, how I’d be making a fool of myself etc. It psych me out so much that I often end up not leaving my house. It’s ironic that I’m in the media industry, as someone pointed out, because that usually involves events, interacting with others, etc. Surprisingly I’ve managed to control it in recent years as I always thought I felt that way because I’m an introvert and I’m extremely shy, which most people don’t know about me. I’ve created a persona that helps me cope with that, I overcame my shyness because I had to and moved on from there.

I almost had a panic attack once at a women’s day conference because, wait for it, there were so many women! I mean, I expected it but seeing about 400+ females in one venue scared me. I’ve always been friends with mostly guys because, as cliché as it may sound, it’s less drama. It also had a lot to do with the fact that most of my cousins I saw on a regular basis were boys and so was my neighbour. I used to play rugby, soccer, cricket or whatever they were playing with them. It comes through in my life right now because I’m really chilled and most people assume I’m lesbian (not sure when chilled started equaling being a lesbian but yeah)I don’t have issues with lesbians, one of my best friends are lesbian (see what I did there?) My point being, I’m so over being affected by what people think of or say about me as I’ve worried about that most of my life. I’ve tried so hard to conform until I realised how unhappy I became because of that.

In retrospect this post started out as a conversation on Facebook and I thought it would remain that. I don’t know why I decided to post it on the blog, I guess I wanted you, as my readers, to know a little bit more about me. Let me know if you can even remotely relate to anything I’ve written in this post, it will make me feel less weird but if you don’t, do share your quirks. I’d love to hear from you.

This too shall pass…

I always get excited when I see my mom’s name appearing on my screen, not that I ever get a word in but she always keep me updated as to what’s happening with the family, neighbours and everyone at home. I love hearing her voice and listening to her stories as it makes me feel less lonely and far away from her. This call however was different, there was no emotion in her voice when she told me that her house burned down. At first I thought it was some cruel joke, then I started crying, I couldn’t even utter a word, couldn’t ask her if she’s okay…and she comforted me, told me that it will be okay. The same woman who watched everything she’s ever owned go down it flames, comforted me as she always do, like I lost everything and not her.

This was the one place that my entire family called home, where all the kids and grandkids were raised by granny and mommy, where happy memories and love reigned, where you could escape to when your soul is in dire need of peace…that was our home. My mom kept every single certificate I ever got in school, from primary to high school, she had actual photo albums with our most embarrassing pictures, oh how we had a laugh every time we saw it…that was our home.A place where we learned the hard way to never swear, ever, where we learned to respect our elders, love our neighbours regardless of who they are and what they did, where we learned that punishment for wrongdoings were painful but we could have a laugh about it afterwards, a place where love reigned supreme…that was our home. It was the one place that reunited our family as we all had amazing memories of our time there, where the good always outweighed the bad, where love always healed you…that was our home. Where we were kids and in no rush to grow up, where we were poor but rich in the love that we’ve received, a place that we often wish we could go back to. A place so genuine that when you leave there, you won’t fit in anywhere else…that was our home.

The road to recovery is long and hard. When you uproot a young plant, it has a fair chance of survival but when you do the same to a tree that’s been rooted there for years, it’s a whole different story. How do you even start over at the age of 60+? My mom is left with only the clothes on her back, nothing else. The healing process will be long and hard and I plan to be there every step of the way. For the first time in over 11 years we will live in the same house again, we’re both set in our ways but I can adapt, will she? Coming to a place where she doesn’t know her neighbours, where you’re not 100% safe at all times, where you live in an enclosed complex with burglar bars in front of every window and door, how will she adapt? Home represented freedom, fresh air, leaving your door open if you’re just running to the neighbours, a place where you knew everyone and their family history, where you could still depend on each other…that was home.  I pray that this ordeal will bring us closer, as a family and strengthen our faith as I believe that God gives His toughest battles to His bravest soldiers, I know my mom is but I’m not sure I’m brave enough…only time will tell.

9 Things to do in your 20’s

We always see articles telling you “what to do in your 20’s” or “what you should achieve in your 20’s” and quite frankly it always make me feel inadequate. I’m in my 20’s, for now and most of those things I haven’t even achieved and most probably won’t because that’s not my mission in life. On the other hand you can’t compare us “normal” 20-something year olds to the likes of Rihanna, Taylor or Adele as we’ll always come up short. I’ve decided to do my own list, based on what I’ve achieved or set out to still achieve.

1. Have fun

I know that sounds like something to do in your toddler and preteen phase but we often forget to let loose and just have fun. I did that in my early 20’s and to a certain extent it’s out of my system now. If I go out out twice a month that’s sufficient which means that it won’t interfere with my job etc. If you don’t get it out of your system, you’ll end up being the only 40 year old in the club, hitting on people in their 20’s, I’ve seen it and it’s sad so don’t be that guy/gal.

2. Travel 

Early 20’s are perfect for exploring the world, broadening your horizons.If you don’t have money, work while you travel. Au pair, if you love kids, work on a farm in Texas, etc. Also it’s imperative to find the right people to make new discoveries with. I haven’t travelled that much, sadly but that’s my own fault as I was too afraid. You know how you make excuses all the time? I can’t work in Brazil because I don’t speak nor understand Portuguese, I can’t be a waiter in Paris because I don’t speak French etc. but you know what? There’s always someone that speaks/understand English almost everywhere so you don’t have an excuse. Do start off in your own country with roadtrips, “shot left” etc. to get familiar with the concept.

3. Empower yourself

Make provision for your future i.e do courses that will help you at a later stage in life. I’ve done everything from debt consolidation, law, psychology to computer classes, one of those things will help you in your future career. If you don’t know where to go, have a look at Shaw Academy, they offer amazing online courses that are free of charge. Get that diploma or degree or even that experience in a field that you know you love and would love to work in.

4. Make lasting friendships

You won’t always have the same friends throughout life, if you do, consider yourself lucky. Find people that will grow with you and support you on your journey. For some people that constitute of 4-5 people, for others it’s more, others less. There’s no set number of bffs you can have but make sure it’s people you trust, that’s reliable and will be honest with you.

5.Take a leap of faith

Whether it’s working in a new field without experience, moving across the country/globe to do what you love or falling in love with someone that’s not your type…do it! Life’s too short to always be cautious, weigh the pros and cons or be afraid to take risks. You only have one life, make the best of it.

6.Save and Invest 

It’s important to save money and invest wisely. I know that a lot of the youngsters (I sound like an old hag) believe in this “YOLO” philosophy but what if you live until you’re 80 and you haven’t saved a dime? What will happen to you? Who will look after you? We hear too many horror stories of the elderly being abused at homes when their children are unable to look after them. Speak to a financial advisor or a broker to find out what’s affordable for your lifestyle. If you are interested in figuring out what your net worth is, check out Personal Capital’s net worth calculator.

7.Love unconditionally

Whether it’s a human being or a pet, love someone unconditionally that is NOT related. Lasting relationships are forged in your mid to late 20’s as at this age you ought to be emotionally matured enough for it. If you’re not, nothing wrong with it. If you prefer to be single and focus on your career, that’s okay but do go out on dates and meet new people. Kiss all the frogs you have to to get to your Prince Charming.

8. Make memories

This ties in with lasting friendships and travelling. Make memories that will make you smile even when you’re 80, sitting on the stoep in your rocking chair. Life is not lived if you don’t make memories.

9.Leave a legacy 

Or rather start working on the legacy you’d like to leave behind. We’re not guaranteed a full life and we don’t know how much time we’ll have to work on our legacy so use every waking moment to ensure you leave behind a legacy that will be worthy of the amazing human being you are.

My unofficial number 10 would be to achieve everything people said you never would. If you want to do modelling but were always considered to short or too skinny, do it. Show them that once you put your mind to it, you can achieve it. Mingle with celebs, buy that house and car you promised your mom, do whatever makes your little heart happy but never forget where you came from, ever because if you do, you won’t know where you’re heading.